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Top 60 Submissions Dr. Who Editors Would Rather Not Recive

  1. I've always hated Jon Pertwee, so I thought if John Peel can retcon away Skaro...
  2. I've always thought Adolf Hitler was misunderstood...
  3. I'm desperate to be published and I've always been a fan of Doctor Why...
  4. Just because you said you couldn't use the Valeyard doesn't mean it's totally out of bounds...
  5. I was thinking, how come no-one's ever explained K-9's voice changing for season 17...?
  6. I hope you like it but I've got to warn you, I won't work for anything less than 50 grand...
  7. Why should I follow *your* guidelines? Here, I've written my own...
  8. It's entirely set in a small flat in Dulwich...
  9. Well, I read The Pit, and I thought if *he* could get away with it...
  10. It's like a Kate Orman book, except the Doctor *really* suffers...
  11. Drugs are cool, right...?
  12. He's got two hearts, right? So that led me to thinking...
  13. You'll love it when he turns the borg into smoke...
  14. Well, actually it's only partly about this Doctor Who guy, but mostly it's about the alienation of an author suffering from writer's block...
  15. You say he's a pacifist? Let me tell you; *No-one's* a pacifist...
  16. He goes back to the birth of Jesus, right, and discovers what *really* happened...
  17. I am confident in my ability with writing...
  18. I don't like sci-fi...
  19. What would happen if Gallifrey was destroyed...?
  20. Well, I'm not as florid as Terrance Dicks...
  21. It's in the style of Dad's Army and the Valeyard is the leader of the Eastgate platoon...
  22. Have you wondered on the scientific plausability of actually 'reversing the polarity of the neutron flow'. This was my starting point...
  23. I'll write anything, just as long as it gets me out of the house...
  24. White Guardian, Black Guardian. White Doctor, black Master. Do you see where I'm getting at...?
  25. It's Timelash done good...
  26. Look at this watch and repeat after me: I am a writer and you will publish my Master submission, I am a writer...
  27. Actually, I preferred it when Nuala was in charge...
  28. I know every single DW fan will love this idea...
  29. He's half-human, but not on his mother's side...
  30. He loses his memory and has to have every adventure he's ever been in explained to him...
  31. I got the idea from listening to a Ride song...
  32. It's mostly in German...
  33. Well you know how some stories are frocks and some are guns. This is Arnold Schwarzenegger in a floral dress...
  34. For a start, nobody dies and there isn't a mystery for the Doctor to solve...
  35. I've been thinking about it for ages and I still can't come up with anything. Have *you* got any ideas...?
  36. It's set in the far future on this weird planet that turns out to be Earth, only no-one knows...
  37. Has anyone explained away that mobile phone advert yet...?
  38. Whatever old monster Gary Russell's doing next, I can do it better...
  39. There's this giant spaceship lying derelict in space...
  40. How silly are you willing to go...?
  41. Well, I really want to use this as a springboard into writing for Star Trek, but they won't allow unsolicted submissions. You don't know Jeri Ryan do you...?
  42. What was that in the guidelines about not using the Rani? Why can't she be the girlfriend...
  43. I refuse to devalue my ideas by writing them down. If you've got a tape recorder ready, I'll give you it down the phone...
  44. Isn't it about time he used his superhuman strength...?
  45. It's like an Eric Saward story, except *everyone's* a galactic mercenary...
  46. I'm Jeffrey Archer...
  47. You've heard of William Burroughs's cut-up techniques right...?
  48. I get excited whenever someone says crossovers, so I thought...
  49. What all your authors fail to understand about the character...
  50. I'm Tom Paulin. How can you have gone so long without mentioning the troubles in Northern Ireland...?
  51. I hope you can be a bit flexible in your deadlines, because I'm currently meds...
  52. It's set in the afterlife...
  53. You've got to be hip. Get with the youth of today. Quentin Tarantino, Youth TV, that's what the kids want...
  54. I'll only do it as long as I can kill off a companion. I want my work to have an *effect* on the reader...
  55. I'm only doing it for the money and the fans...
  56. Have you borrowed any ideas from Iain Banks yet, because I've got this corker of a story featuring an advanced utopian civilisation...
  57. The entirity of Earth civilisation has been run by aliens...
  58. Two words: funky robots...
  59. It's called How The Doctor Found His Groove...
  60. A renegade Dalek faction try to blend in to normal Earth society by pretending to be Pakistanis living in Catford...
  61. The Doctor is asleep the whole time, but its so great you'll want it...


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